Tag Archives: Healing Conflict

Why unconditional love? Be a love magnet

Dean Dudley

This pic is me with my sweetie husband, Dean Evenson.  We were very fortunate to meet in 1968 when we were in our mid-twenties and ready to be together. It’s easy to love this guy as he is thoughtful, funny, creative, hardworking and spiritual.  But what I want to talk about today is how to love someone who is not so loveable. That’s the process of unconditional love, loving without reason or cause, loving without conditions.

Loving someone who is nice to us or who loves us is usually pretty easy. It’s when that other person is mean, difficult to understand or creates problems that we probably have difficulty finding the love. And some would ask why do we even need to consider loving such a person or group of people?

I always harken back to the words of Jesus when he said “Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.”  Wow, what a concept.  To me this is one of the most radical ideas ever put forth and how many can say they have mastered that?

As I understand it, if you can love your enemy (your nemesis, your ex spouse, your mean boss, or even your parent who didn’t treat you well), and I mean truly love them, there’s a good chance that over time, your relationship will heal and they may even become your friend.  It doesn’t mean you have to live with them, marry them, hang out with them.  But if you can truly feel love in your heart, there’s a good chance that your relationship will change for the better, and everyone will benefit.  It’s worth a try.

Please don’t forget to love yourself!  Sometimes we are our own worst enemies. Here’s my short video on Soundings of the Planet’s YouTube channel talking more about unconditional love and how you can become a magnet for love. Enjoy!

Let me know your thoughts on love as Valentine’s Day approaches.  And for a limited time, in appreciation for your involvement, I am giving away free mp3 downloads to folks who comment on my blog posts.

Be sure to check out our gentle music for loving Valentine’s Day Sale now.  Music sure does create a mood for romance!

Power of Love to Overcome Conflict

As I prepared for the birth of my first child over forty years ago, one of the things I knew I needed to deal with was my long-standing conflict with my parents.  Ever since my husband, Dean Evenson, and I had been living together and growing our hair out and expressing our controversial ideas against war and for civil rights issues, we had an uncomfortable relationship with my parents.  Since I had begun to see the world differently from my parents and develop a more free spirited lifestyle in keeping with my true nature, we had not been able to see eye to eye and I had felt terribly judged by them.  It hurt me deeply. As I approached my own parenthood, I decided to thoughtfully look at what was going on.
Heart Rocks

One day, I had the startling realization that I had equally strong judgments about my parents as they did of me.  I judged their judgments, their prejudices, their conservatism, their materialism, and their affluent lifestyle.  It occurred to me, on the eve of my becoming a mother, that I couldn’t change them, but I could change myself.  I could let go of my judgments and love them unconditionally.  With some effort, but also with a great feeling of relief I did just that.  I let the love return that I had felt in my earlier years, and I just appreciated my parents as who they are, not who I thought they should be.  Interestingly, within a few weeks, we had the first real communication in years.  I hadn’t sent them a letter or called to announce my change of heart, but somehow, it had gotten through, and we renewed our family ties.

Years later I took a workshop that introduced the idea of ‘Changing Your Telepathic Agreement’ with someone you are in conflict with.  The way it works is this – you bring that person into your consciousness and in a meditative state you speak to their ‘higher self’.  At the beginning, you let them have it.  In other words, you say all the things that are bothering you about that person, words that you might not want to say in person but what you are truly feeling.  By the end of the first session you shift and begin to say things like ‘but I understand how you may have become this way’…or ‘I know you are trying to change.’  You do the meditation day after day with each day having less of the first part (‘you make me mad, you hurt me’) and more of the second part (‘we are getting closer to understanding, I forgive, etc.). You can also create a forgiveness mantra and sing it to yourself.  It could be something simple like ‘I forgive you and you forgive me.’  Give it a melody and sing it whenever the person comes to mind. If you do this practice with conviction and repetition, you will find that soon, your projection of the conflict is changing and no matter how much they may have harmed you, when you think of that person, your thoughts won’t carry as much charge, and eventually you will find a peaceful resolution of the conflict with them.  In any event, you will have more inner peace and isn’t that what forgiveness is all about?